Marriage Secret: One Pro Tip That Will Change Everything

I am about to give you the “1 thing” that will change your marriage starting today.  But first, allow me to give you a bit of background so you understand the idea behind the secret I will be sharing.  I have taught my boys, and perhaps, you have even heard me say, “hard work pays.”  Here’s the deal on that statement.  When you give effort in something, you will get a reward. Malcolm Gladwell, an author, journalist and speaker,  believed in this principle where ‘effort’ brings ‘reward’ and called it ‘Meaningful work’. For him, there is no such thing as talent or gift or for our topic, great marriages without effort.  Success is all about putting effort into something.  Gladwell called this the 10,000 hour rule.
 
The 10,000-hour rule is a popular ideology that when you put 10,000 hours practicing deliberately on an activity you can master it. It is a magical number introduced by K. Anders Ericsson, a psychologist (and later on, popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book entitled ‘Outliers’), the 10,000-hour rule argues that anyone can be an expert of various fields by allotting thousands of hours to become successful in it. Gladwell called successful individuals, whose achievements are out of the normal, as the “Outliers’.
 
Don’t get caught up on the 10,000 hours, I believe its arbitrary, but it teaches a greater point.  Today when we witness a couple who have a great marriage, we think of them as the outliers, and its probably true.  But for the believer, it doesn’t have to be that way.  You can have a marriage that is characterized by oneness, love, romance, friendship, adventure, and Christ to name a few qualities if you put into place this one secret.  The scriptures teach us men in 1 Peter 3:7:
 
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way”
 
That is learn her, study her, become an expert in the ways of your wife.  What makes her tick, what does she enjoy, how does she handle things.  Now after 15 years of marriage to Kate, I have become an expert in her ways.  I’d say this principle also applies to women.  Learn your spouse.  Put the time in to understand them.  Did you know in a poll of spouse, less than half could name their favorite color?  We can all do better. 
 
            So here’s the secret, as you learn your spouse, serve each other better.  When my marriage is strong, serving one another in an understanding way is protected and valued. When my marriage has struggled, that theme has been distant.  Why?  Because “Serving” is not a word that we instantly gravitate towards because it involves putting yourself, your needs, your opinions second. The catch is, if two people are both doing that at the same time? This amazing relationship begins to flourish. 
 
            For those that need it written out in a sentence, here it is, never forget it: 
 
“Do the meaningful work to study your spouse and learn to serve them in ways they will find valuable.”