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Every woman wants to be pursued by her man, yet all too often we neglect the mission. While you were dating, the natural way of things is to fill up the calendar with pursuing activities. We are all in during this stage. Then we get married, and it feels like a mission accomplished, they are ours. Men naturally move onto other areas of life to conquer.  

However, our wives need more and as God’s men we are called to more, called to better.  

There is no other relationship like that of a husband and wife. You are the only one that can make her feel loved, cherished, pursued, and valued. It is all you.  

Therefore, because we are God’s men, and because we are husbands, we need to begin to act like our marriages are the number one aim of our lives.  

We must embrace a war-like posture in this arena. We cannot go into the game weak, sluggish, or disinterested. Our marriages are under attack. No one can fight for your marriage, except you.  Here are three things to do if we want to pursue our wives.

  1. In order to pursue my wife, I must live with her.  

1 Peter 3:7, “Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives…” 

Peter is saying much more than, “Hey husbands, live with your wives, share meals with her, sleep in the same bed.” 

The word “live” means “to dwell together”, it suggests being closely or intimately familiar with one another. Add in the proposition “with” and the idea of togetherness is reinforced. Peter is describing a close companionship.  

Men, it is your God given task to promote, build, foster, and maintain harmony and intimacy.  

  1. In order to pursue my wife, I must know her. 

1 Peter 3:7 says, “in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner…” 

Husbands pay attention to what she is saying and are sensitive to her cares and concerns. Consider the pressure she lives under. Take the time and initiative to discover her fears, desires, plans, and feelings.  

That is the kind of openness and involvement that it will take if you are going to truly know your wife.  

  1. In order to pursue my wife, I must honor her 

1 Peter 3:7 says, “showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” 

To “show them honor” means to assign her honor. You are assigned by God as your wife’s husband to nurture and to uphold your wife’s honor. This means more than just being nice to her, although that would be a good start.  

The word “honor” is the same word translated as precious when it describes the blood of Christ in 1 Peter 1:19.  

1 Peter 1:19, “but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb.” 

Both words share the same Greek root. The idea is that the husband is to consider his wife as a priceless gift, a precious treasure worthy of highest honor.  

Do you assign that kind of honor to your wife? Does your wife see this in the way you speak and the way you act towards her?  

If we are going to have the marriage, we all desire, we must learn to pursue our wives in the way God has prescribed. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking life is all about us. However, when you get married, you are the chief servant.  

Let me remind you, that you have what it takes to live this way because you are God’s man.  

1 Peter 3:8-9 says, “Finally, all of you be like-minded and sympathetic, love one another, and be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you may inherit a blessing.” 

These verses mention attributes such as: 

  • Harmonious:  of one mind…unity together. 
  • Sympathetic: moved with concern for the other. 
  • Brotherly:  affectionate…warm and loving. 
  • Kindhearted: compassionate. 
  • Humble in Spirit:  humble minded…unselfish 
  • Not retaliatory or argumentative: with a reactionary spirit. 

Marriage can be difficult and happy marriages may be rare, but the fact is, they are not impossible. God has given us the plan, just how happy our marriages become rests entirely upon you and your wife.  

Here are some action steps to pursue your wife… The 5-4-3 Challenge 

The challenge is simply you being God’s man. A man of God cares and serves regardless of how he is treated. The give to get mentality is seriously flawed. God’s man is not looking for the return. Although, more often than not, any woman treated God’s way is honored to reciprocate.  

  • Five times a day. Challenge yourself to encourage your wife 5 times a day.  Find 5 ways to tell her she’s awesome, that you love her, that she’s a great mom, and that she’s beautiful often.  Text her, leave notes, call.  Build her up.  
  • Four times a week. Ask your wife what you could do to lighten her load and do it. 
  • Three times a month.  Show up with her favorite candy, coffee, soda, flower randomly and out of nowhere.  Get alone with her. You need to connect with them emotionally.  You have to have time to hear her, and not try and fix her and her problems.   

Pastor Chris Williams
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