Taking the Trash Out
Americans throw away an average of 4.5 pounds of trash per person every day—over 1,800 pounds a year.
Why?
Because we all understand something simple and true:
If trash remains in the house for too long, it begins to affect everyone in the home.
It doesn’t matter how nice the house is.
It doesn’t matter how expensive the furniture is.
If trash sits, it eventually ruins everything.
The same thing happens with relational trash.
As we move into the Christmas season—a time filled with gatherings, family meals, and extended conversations—many of us will be spending more time with people than usual. And when that happens, unresolved hurt has a way of resurfacing. Old wounds. Past conflicts. Words spoken years ago that were never addressed.
The pain of past conflict often tarnishes the present.
So the question becomes:
What will help you walk in freedom this season?
Scripture’s answer is simple—but not easy:
Forgiveness.
“We all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have someone to forgive.”
C.S. Lewis
Why Forgiveness Is So Hard
When we’re the offender, we love grace.
When we’re the offended, we love justice.
But for followers of Jesus, forgiveness is not optional.
Jesus modeled forgiveness.
Jesus taught forgiveness.
Jesus died forgiving.
From the woman caught in adultery, to the model prayer—“forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”—to His words on the cross, Jesus consistently revealed a kingdom shaped by mercy.
And every one of us needs this teaching, because every one of us has been hurt.
Maybe by:
- A parent
- A spouse or ex-spouse
- A boss
- A coach
- A sibling
- Even a grown child
If the word forgiveness immediately brought a name to mind, you’re not alone. Often, that’s the Holy Spirit pointing to something He wants to heal.
What Forgiveness Really Is
At its core, forgiveness is a decision to cancel a debt.
When someone hurts you, a debt is created. That’s why our language sounds financial:
- “You owe me.”
- “I’ll get even.”
Something was taken. An obligation was formed.
The goal of forgiveness isn’t to minimize the pain.
The goal is freedom.
The Parable That Changes Everything (Matthew 18:21–34)
Peter once asked Jesus an honest question:
“Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
Peter thought he was being generous. In his culture, forgiveness was taught up to three times. On the fourth offense, grace ran out.
Jesus replied:
“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
This wasn’t a math problem. It was a way of saying: there is no limit.
To explain why, Jesus told a story.
In the parable, a servant owed a king 10,000 talents—an amount so enormous it would equal billions of dollars today. It was unpayable. Completely impossible.
When the servant begged for patience, the king did something shocking.
He released him. He forgave the debt.
Not reduced.
Not delayed.
Canceled.
Someone still paid the cost. The king absorbed it. This is the gospel.
Every sin.
Every failure.
Every selfish motive.
Placed on Jesus.
Paid in full at the cross.
That same servant then found someone who owed him a much smaller amount—about four months’ wages.
Instead of extending mercy, he demanded payment and threw the man into prison.
When the king heard about it, he responded:
“Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”
Jesus ends this parable with a warning meant to sober us.
Two Unavoidable Truths
1. Forgiven people forgive people.
This is part of the DNA of the Christian life.
2. Unforgiving people are self-destructive.
Bitterness poisons the soul and defiles many.
Time does not heal wounds.
Unforgiveness plus time produces bitterness.
What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It is not:
- A feeling
- Denying what happened
- Enabling abuse
- Covering up sin or crime
- Forgetting
- Automatic trust
- Reconciliation (that requires repentance)
Forgiveness always begins between you and God.
The Process of Forgiveness
1. Identify Who Hurt You
Who comes to mind?
Who do you avoid?
Who do you replay conversations with in your head?
2. Determine What They Owe You
General forgiveness doesn’t heal specific wounds.
What was taken?
- Trust
- Safety
- Innocence
- Reputation
- A marriage
- A childhood
3. Cancel the Debt
This is an act of the will.
They may never repay you.
They may never apologize.
Just as Jesus canceled your debt, you choose to cancel theirs.
A Prayer of Release
Father,
__________ has taken __________ from me,
and I have carried this burden far too long.
With Your help, I choose to cancel this debt.
They owe me nothing.
Just as You forgave me,
I choose to forgive __________.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Walking Forward in Freedom
You may forgive today and remember tomorrow. That doesn’t mean forgiveness failed.
When the memory returns, remind your heart:
“I already canceled that debt.”
Forgiveness isn’t easy. But it’s far easier than carrying the trash that’s been ruining your life.
Jesus wants you free.
Forgiveness is not for the offender. It’s for the wounded.
And when forgiven people forgive people, the grace of Jesus becomes visible in the world.
Pastor Chris Williams
To learn more about Pastor Chris and his teachings, visit us online at fcfamily.org and be sure to subscribe to receive these weekly encouragements in your inbox.
