All of us face situations that seem immovable—circumstances we’ve tried everything to change yet nothing seems to work. Jesus spoke directly to this when He said that with faith as small as a mustard seed, mountains can move (Matthew 17:20). Those “mountains” are often strongholds—deep struggles that leave us feeling stuck, hopeless, and ready to give up.
For many, one of the greatest strongholds is marriage. What was once a joyful “wow” has become wearying work. Some couples feel they’ve tried everything, but nothing changes. Others are quietly hanging on by a thread, wondering if it’s worth the fight. And yet, marriage is not meant to be a place of despair. It is God’s idea, designed for human flourishing, and Scripture shows us a better way.
God’s Blueprint for Marriage
In Genesis 2:18–25, God lays out His vision for marriage. “It is not good for man to be alone,” He says, and so He creates a companion—equal, complementary, and perfectly suited. The first recorded words spoken from one human to another are poetry as Adam rejoices over Eve: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” It is a picture of joy, union, and covenant.
This passage becomes the foundation for everything the Bible teaches about marriage. Jesus quoted it when asked about divorce. Paul anchored his teaching in Ephesians 5 to this very text. Marriage is not a cultural invention or a temporary arrangement; it is God’s design, His blueprint for family and community, and a living illustration of the gospel itself.
Marriage is wonderful, but it is also difficult. Pastor Tim Keller once said, “Marriage is both wonderful and painful because the gospel is both wonderful and painful.” The gospel shows us that our sin is so serious that Jesus had to die for us. That’s painful. But it also shows us that His love is so great that He willingly chose to die. That’s wonderful.
In the same way, marriage exposes our flaws, our selfishness, and our sin. Yet in the covenant of marriage, we find someone who sees those flaws and chooses to love us anyway. To be fully known and fully loved is the deepest longing of the human heart, and in God’s design, marriage becomes one of the primary places where this longing is met.
Three Actions to Break Strongholds in Marriage
So how do we move forward when marriage feels stuck? How do we break strongholds that the enemy uses to sow division, resentment, and despair? Scripture points us toward three key actions.
1. Double Down on Covenant
We live in a contract-driven culture. Contracts say, “As long as you keep your end of the deal, I’ll keep mine.” They are conditional, fragile, and self-focused. But marriage is not a contract—it’s a covenant. In a covenant, two people pledge lifelong faithfulness not based on shifting feelings but on enduring promises before God.
Think about wedding vows. They aren’t about present emotions. They’re about future faithfulness. “For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live.” Those words remind us that marriage is not sustained by fleeting passion but by a covenant commitment.
Recommitting to the covenant is essential because feelings come and go. Infatuation fades. Life gets hard. But when you root your marriage in covenant, you stand on solid ground. Even in the most difficult seasons, you know you are honoring God, fulfilling your vows, and choosing faithfulness. That foundation creates the security in which love can grow again.
2. Reject the Lie of “The One”
A second way the enemy builds strongholds in marriage is by convincing us we married the wrong person. Culture feeds us the myth of “the one”—that somewhere out there is a soulmate who will meet all our needs, heal our wounds, and make us endlessly happy. But Scripture teaches the opposite. If you are married, your spouse is “the one.”
Happiness is not found in chasing a fantasy of perfect compatibility. Happiness is the byproduct of a healthy, cultivated marriage. The problem isn’t usually that we married the wrong person; it’s that we’ve stopped investing in the person we did marry.
Don’t fall for the lie that joy is “out there” with someone else. The one you said “I do” to is the one God calls you to cherish, honor, and build a life with. When you reject the myth of “the one,” you can pour energy into cultivating what you already have—praying for your spouse, serving them, encouraging them, and choosing daily to love.
3. Praise God for Your Spouse
Finally, strongholds break when we shift from criticism to gratitude. In Genesis, Adam’s first response to Eve was praise. He celebrated her as God’s good gift. Too often today, couples focus more on what frustrates them about their spouse than on what they appreciate. Over time, that critical spirit erodes intimacy.
But gratitude changes everything. Husbands, does your wife know you value her—not just for what she does but for who she is? Do you affirm her strengths, listen to her dreams, and cherish her presence? Wives, do your words build up your husband? Do you affirm his efforts, speak life into his calling, and let him know he has what it takes?
God designed marriage to thrive on encouragement, honor, and praise. When we practice gratitude, it shifts our perspective. It reminds us that our spouse is not the enemy but a gift from God. It softens our hearts and opens the door for renewed love.
Marriage and the Gospel
At its core, marriage is not about us. Paul says in Ephesians 5:32 that it is a picture of Christ and the church. Marriage is designed to tell the truth of the gospel. A healthy marriage is one of the clearest testimonies to the world of God’s covenant love, grace, and faithfulness.
Of course, none of us lives this out perfectly. Every marriage faces struggles. Every couple fails in some way. But the good news of the gospel is that Jesus, the “second Adam,” redeems what the first Adam lost. Where we fail, He succeeds. Where we sin, He forgives. Where we are weak, He supplies grace.
That’s why hope is never lost in marriage. Even if it feels like the enemy has a stronghold, Jesus is greater. He breaks chains. He restores what is broken. He gives strength to persevere and power to forgive.
A Call to Flourishing
If your marriage feels like it’s stuck, take heart. Strongholds don’t have the final word—Jesus does. Double down on your covenant. Reject the lies of culture. Praise God daily for the gift of your spouse. As you do, your marriage can move from surviving to flourishing.
And more than that—your marriage can become a living testimony of the gospel to those around you. In a world of disposable relationships, your faithfulness can shine like a light. In a culture of self-interest, your sacrificial love can point to Christ.
Marriage is hard work. But it is also one of the greatest blessings God has given. As you lean into His design, you will not only find joy for yourself but also reflect the glory of the One who loves us perfectly, faithfully, and eternally.
Pastor Chris Williams
To learn more about Pastor Chris and his teachings, visit us online at fcfamily.org and be sure to subscribe to receive these weekly encouragements in your inbox.
